There is however some substance to my present relief. I believe that the technical trauma of the last two months - and the related medical fomentations - have left me feeling despondent more often than I care to confess. At times the melancholy ("memento mori") is an awakening to the philosophic destiny of us all, a concern which normally doesn't haunt me. I refuse to dwell upon the doleful corollaries of misfortune of any description; honestly, I just can't see the advantage! Accordingly it requires very little stimulus for me to step over the obstructions in life and to make my way instead to the happier side of the river.
While there is an unquestionable value in appreciating the natural gifts and benefits which life so patently offers, the thrust in particular of my awakening today was that I was urged to take stock of what I already have and where I am - and to be thankful. This doesn't mean that there are no lingering issues, that I have managed somehow to erase all the dilemma of my existence. Rather it stimulates me to abandon the customary urgency to resolve and release. Besides, anyone knows that it is only a matter of time before another puzzle or problem arises so it is perfectly mindless to imagine we've reached the end of that psychic exposure.
I am likewise bound to relate that in spite of whatever difficulties I may have recently endured there is nothing about which I presently have the least reservation. Again this isn't to suggest that all potholes have been extinguished but neither am I consuming myself to imagine things in the meantime. There is in addition a degree of both smugness and gratification to submit candidly to one's unadulterated status. It is axiomatic that the posture is palliative, having as it does the inarguability of immediacy (an absorption which I find nicely diminishes both the uncomfortable past and the wearisome future). Nor must one ignore the weight of attention to things already in one's back pocket, a weakness common to those who perhaps are too readily accustomed to fruitful dispensation. It requires little analysis to remind us of the impermanence of things and their ultimate lack of value. I vote for the time being to cherish what I have as opposed to dwelling upon its hollowness.
Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth when the evil days come not nor the years draw nigh when thou shalt say I have no pleasure in them.
Odd that one should dramatize such mournful conduct even on the precipice. I would rather take the larger view of the escarpment below before relenting to the plunge. Quite possibly more astute persons than I will rush to warn of the perils of complacent satisfaction. Really? What's the danger? The necessity of reality will to my knowledge always prevail. But if one has that magic feeling - nowhere to go, nothing to do - then enjoy it uninterrupted!
Village of Appleton Falls