Thursday, May 23, 2019

The magnetic shower curtain

Some things just aren't worth the trouble. Nor the worry. Nor - for any reason whatsoever - the attention.  Oddly it isn't necessarily the importance of the issue which governs. There are for example some very heated matters which on one level command all sorts of inquiry and examination; there are certain policies and enactments which scream for correction or redirection.  Yet as I say even some of those don't matter a damn in the end.  Perhaps that's the real test, can you live with it?  Some controversy is more a question of superiority than propriety. Whether you should undertake a confrontation solely for the purpose of proving yourself right is questionable - even if the spinoff is possibly loss of standing.  Neither does it depend for whom you're standing up - yourself or the world. That battle - like almost any - can itself prove to be a waste of time.

Rising above particularity and "principle" (that selfishly convenient catch-all) is not a struggle which promises a peaceful ending; but it may at least avoid a fight.

Strangely enough the obsession with the little things in life galvanizes more than just picayune detail. Plainly it corrupts the broader picture. The scope of difference between equivocation and directness is vast, everything from people to money to things to art to spirituality. By definition the more acute the resolve, the more likely it is to become grainy with obstruction of any degree, almost like asking for trouble. There is some comfort in knowing that the conviction of many people is ephemeral. What today is cause for war may tomorrow be dismissed as mere indigestion.


"If that's all you have to worry about, then be thankful!", she spluttered over a sip of hot coffee. It made me wonder, is that all I have to worry about? Certainly there are the inescapable frozen truths of aging; but that doesn't worry me. When I am wrestling under the covers in the middle of night in the dark and dank air, I force myself to quell the anxiety by dismissing the problem, whatever it is. Just forget about it, not least of all for the reason that it will be there in the morning. The stratagem pacifies the poison.


I sat in the car, waiting.  I locked the doors and dropped the sun visor to obscure the view.  And closed the interior guard of the moonroof. Then I dozed. It was easy. Those naps are the best! Complete relaxation, nowhere to go, nothing to do. That has to be luxury! I was awoken from my dream-like state by the rumble of the truck parked next to me.  I did not turn my head to look at the driver, I was still lost in space. When I eventually glanced sideways, the driver (a man) was reading his mobile phone, the engine running. Eventually he left, pulling away carefully, then exiting the parking lot.  I closed my eyes again.


There is nonetheless a place for uncompromising expression.  Just not here, not today.

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