It achieves nothing to dwell painfully upon the bumbledom except to confess its inordinate and patent disturbance. One needn't be reminded of the realities of life when one has a carcass such as my own. Indeed I have expended a good deal of my capital in an attempt to forego violations of idealism. Being dragged back down into the proverbial is not what I had accounted for. Even lapsing into the vernacular with the minions who authored the annoyance is no answer. Rather than abuse them for their deficiency I have adopted instead the twitch of Inspector Clouseau's boss, Chief Inspector Dreyfus.
The object is to recover one's composure. Associated with the inutility of condemnation is the hard-won advantage of rising above a challenge. All that philosophical codswallop about ignoring the past and living for the present does however require a degree of constancy. I much preferred to revisit the very agreeable 18-mile bicycle ride this morning and the glittering sea afterwards. The ride was remarkably pleasant compared to yesterday when my energy was utterly depleted for some reason. Today I was occupied with some foolish thoughts over the length of the entire distance, the perfect distraction which effectively sped the time along. Whether it is the punch of the late afternoon telephone call - or just my declining memory - I can't for the life of me recall what I was thinking about this morning or what could possibly have been so engrossing. Oh, I remember! It was my "international debut" on stage tomorrow...when I am scheduled to play the piano in the lobby as part of the "Grand Opening" of the new social room. I was rehearsing my songs, singing them to myself, attempting to imagine what notes I would play and how I might improve the performance. Really, a completely useless undertaking since I can never accurately repeat what notes I play, it's all by ear. I barely know the difference between an arpeggio and a Dominant Seventh. But as I say it consumed me for the better part of 18 miles. I really think I was feeling more energetic today as well. Or maybe it was the Tylenol I took before my ride, that uplifting disguise of the humanity of pain.